Olympic Commentary (if Bob's not doing it for you)

So. About the Olympics.

Are you watching? We are, and if I'm not careful, they start killing me. I'm just not built to stay up until midnight and rise again at 7:30 (or so).

And they're kind of time-investment equivalent of watching the extended version of LOTR and half of the special features. Maybe more. But the Winter Olympics are my favorite. The athletes, the Americans at least, generally have really good attitudes and are easy to root for.

I love Shaun White - he's the kid who shows up in your kitchen, miraculously, around mealtimes, and frequently needs rides home from school. And I mean that in a good way. He's also the kid whose hair you desperately want to Samson-ize, but that's another story.

My sister, 17, declined to marry little Shaun (who's trying to switch his moniker from "The Flying Tomato" to "Animal" [see: The Muppets], but to me, he'll always be "Tomato Boy"). However, she did give a thumbs up to little J.R. Celski, whom we are very glad did not bleed out way back when, and has a killer scar. (Did I mention that we choose spouses during the Olympics? We do. It's fun. Try it some time. I picked Joey Cheek in Torino, and married a man shortly after who looks quite similar, just cuter, and with a better last name).

Really love watching the speed skating. Danny and I have long conversations over how we could be terrific speed skaters - we're both built for it, with the legginess and all (I like to think my back would approve of all the bent-over-ness if I were in competitive shape).

We had great fun during the men's figure skating. Specifically: we had fun making fun of Yevgeny Plushenko.

Granted, this is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel. Look at this picture. He needs a haircut. You can see his pores from here. And his yellow teeth.

And I can't tell, but I'm going to venture that he hasn't shaved in this picture. Hard to say. But he didn't shave during either of his skates last week, and it made me mad.

He's at the Olympics. He was planning on winning. He didn't even shave for the medal stand. That's tantamount to getting married unshaven.

Mind you, I am a fan of men's facial hair. Danny grew a goatee during our engagement, and I love love love it. There is also a place for attractive male scruffiness. But random unshaven-ness? On the world stage? Really?? Because it makes him look like a nerf-herder. Who wants to be "like Dick Button."

Note to Yevgeny: I think Dick Button shaved. Just throwing that out there.

Be aware that if this kid had a good attitude, I would let certain amounts of unshaven-ness pass without commentary. But he doesn't have a good attitude. He has a very, very bad attitude. As evidenced in this picture.

We've got sweet little Evan Lysacek who's worked his little heart out to be as well trained as he could possibly be, and manages to be on the medal stand looking good-hearted, despite the glittery snake around his neck (blame Vera Wang for that).

Then there's Yevgeny, who looks like he's planning on making contact with his buddies in the Russian mafia to rectify the situation.

Or go all Tonya Harding on him. It could go either way.

I hope Evan sleeps with one eye open. Because he really deserves to keep that gold. Like Scotty Hamilton.

Now, my absolute favorite Olympic moment, by far, is Lindsay Vonn crying after she found she had won gold in the women's downhill. It wasn't the normal Olympic, I-did-this-for-my-country teary, it was complete and utter tears, streaky mascara and all.

I have to be honest here. I'm a crier. I am. Especially if I'm tired, or hungry, or frustrated, or whatever. There are a few dozen contributing factors.

I loved when Lindsay's being interviewed, and the interviewer points out her husband. Lindsay goes and sees him, and where she had it almost held together, the moment she saw him she lost it altogether on his shoulder. He did that great "I don't know what to do with you when you're crying in front of cameras" man pat.

I made Danny watch that part. He got a good laugh at it. And truly, we weren't laughing at Lindsay. We were laughing at me. Because I would do the exact same thing. Except wear mascara on my bottom lashes. That'll get ya every time.

Up next? Ladies' Figure Skating Long Programs. Ski jumping. Likely more speed skating.

Debating whether or not to write the Olympics into Simply Sara. I think it would be cool to get an Amish-woman's opinion on the subject. Thoughts?