Haven't Met You Yet

 

Picture is taken from :

http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/michael-buble-lyrics/haven_t-met-you-yet-lyrics.html

Topic starter : Monday, Feb(r)uary 1, 2010 (1:16 pm)

This morning on my way to the office, I heard a song by Michael Buble, this song called "Haven't Met You Yet", and ahahaha.. I'm bad at listening so I didn't quite get what he said on the lyric, hihihi..

But somehow I love it..

And my mind was wandering about my own interpretation of the title of the song.. "Haven't Met You Yet"!

I know this might sound silly, hihihi.. but anywayy.. I've never been known as a rational person as well, that is why I somewhat can connect with Savage Garden's song "I Knew I Loved You", ahahahaha :p

More or less I guess we have an idea in our mind about someone that we want to spend the rest of our lifes with.

The picture in my head never seems clear to me but somehow I can imagine him being "there" and we just haven't met yet in reality, hihihi..

Okay okayy.. I've already warned you that this might sound silly, right, soo it's your own fault if you continue reading this post, wakakakakak..

Let's go down with the lyric first before I forget, ahahaha..

Lyric is taken from :

http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/michael-buble-lyrics/haven_t-met-you-yet-lyrics.html

~.*.~

"Haven't Met You Yet"
By Michael Buble

I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
Mmm.......
I just haven't met you yet

Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait
I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazin'
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility, mmmmmm...

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get
Mmm....
I just haven't met you yet

They say all’s fair
In love and war
But I won’t need to fight it
We'll get it right an'
We'll be united

Instrumental

And I know that we can be so amazin'
And bein' in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility
Mmm..

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get, yeah
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love love love love love love love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah
I just haven't met you yet!

~.*.~

Aww aww aww..

I especially like this part of the lyric :

I might have to wait
I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

Yupp.. I like that part so much, ahahaha..

Listen up, man..

I know you're out there.

And I know you're someone real, yupp.. as real as me.

Maybe it's not the right time yet for us to meet.

And luck hasn't been on our side.

But I know you're there.

I just haven't met you yet!

Wakakakak.. wakakakak..

Okayy.. I should stop now before get too carried away in my own world of fantasy, hihihi :D

But isn't it what faith all about?

To believe in something you haven't yet seen? ;)

Uhuyy..

I just haven't met you yet, yeaahh ^o^

Topic ended : Feb(r)uary 1, 2010 (1:43 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

Month of Love

 

Gambar diambil dari :

http://www.mindyourmind.ca/personal-stories/blog/images/lovebegets.jpg

Topic starter : Senin, 1 Februari 2010 (10:42 am)

Maaaaannn.. kok tau2 udah bulan Februari aja seeh?! Cepet amat udah sebulan berlalu di tahun 2010 inii, huhuhu..

Mari kita mulai bulan Februari ini dengan sebuah pertanyaan.

Nope, it's NOT about love, ahahaha.. walaupun gua ngasih judul itu and ntar juga mo bahas tuh judul sih tapi bukan itu yang mo gua tanyakan.

Again, bathroom itu can be such an inspiring room, hihihi..

Pertanyaan ini udah sempet menggantung beberapa lama sih tapi gua belon juga menemukan jawabannya jadi yukk mari kita lepaskan lagee ke udara, siapa tau this time akan dapat jawabannya.

Pernah merhatiin kemasan shampoo ngga sih? Atau bedak bayi githu?

Gua selalu bertanya2, apa emang diperlukan ruang hampa sedemikian banyaknyakah untuk ngga merusak produk yang bersangkutan?

Maksudnya gimana?

Ya ginii.. coba dhe arahkan ke cahaya tuh shampoo or bedak bayi tabur kemasan botol plastik and di situ bisa kita liat bahwa seringkalii isinya itu ngga penuh, malah kadang suka setengah aja.

Ah yaa.. atau yang paling gampang itu dari kemasan snack dhe, yang chips2 githu.

Bungkusnya khan segede2 gambreng tuhh.. tapi pas kita bukaa.. oalaaaaahh.. ada setengah aja baguuuss.. sisanya ya itu, hanya udara :p

Nahh.. gua bertanya2..

Apa memang dibutuhkan ruang kosong sedemikian banyaknya untuk menjaga kualitas produk atauu.. sebenernya sih ngga butuh sedemikian banyaknya tapi sengaja dikasih banyak supaya kesannyaa ya itu.. banyak, huahahaha :p

Kalo untuk produk bedak bayi tabur sendiri gua berkesimpulan kalo sebenernya ngga butuh sedemikian banyaknya ruang lengang.

Kenapa demikian?

Lhaa.. ituu.. kadang mereka suka promo ngasih 30% tambahan isi dengan harga yang sama!

Yang artinyaa.. emang ruang kosong itu ngga perlu sedemikian banyaknya khan? Buktinya ditambahin 30% volume semula aja masih otree!

Gua jadi kepikiran..

Mungkin ada baiknya semua produk itu pake kemasan plastik tembus pandang, huehehhee.. biar apaa?

Yaa.. setidaknya biar konsumen ngga ngerasa dibodohi githu lhoo.. cause mereka bisa ngeliat langsung seberapa banyak sih yang sebenernya mereka bawa pulang :p

And plus yaa boo.. lumayan bangets khan tuh kalo misalnya emang mereka pake kemasan gede2 itu bukan demi kepentingan keawetan produk, bayangkaaannn.. kalo mereka memangkas kemasannya, berapa banyak sampah yang bisa dihemat.

Eh, wait.. kok aneh ya bahasanya, ahahaha.. sampah kok dihemat, hihihi..

Tapii tapii.. you know what I mean khan?

Anggap aja elo ngerti dhee, ahahahaha :D

Nah sekarang mari lanjuuttt.. ke topik berikutnya tentang judul postingan kali ini.

Month of Love yang seringkali dikaitkan dengan bulan Februari karena di tanggal 14 nanti khan adalah Valentine's Day yang seringkali diperingati sebagai Hari Kasih Sayang, yang walaupun oleh banyak orang mungkin mendapatkan cibiran dengan alasan, "Kasih sayang kok cuman sehari dalam setahun?! Pleasee dhe aaahh!!", well.. tetap aja ngga mengurangi antusiasme orang2 lainnya di seluruh dunia untuk menyambut hari ini dengan gegap gempita, terutama pasangan yang sedang dimabuk cinta, hihihi..

Kapan lagee githu lhoo.. pada hari yang sama bisa menyatakan cinta? Yupp.. it's the momentum, babee.. momentum yang kadang bisa memberikan dorongan keberanian bagi mereka yang sebelumnya malu2 jadi menemukan kekuatan untuk menyatakan perasaan, uhuyy..

Emang bener yaa.. the feeling that you're NOT alone itu can make such a huge difference lho boo!!

Beneran.

And I know I knoww..

Alone itu ngga sama dengan loneliness, for you can feel lonely in the crowd, huehehehe..

But alone itu juga membuka celah untuk kesepian menyelusup masuk dan menggerogoti diri from the inside, oohh tidaakk!!

Soo?

The feeling that you're not alone.. itu kadang begitu berharganya lhoo.. karena bisa menepis rasa kesepian yang mungkin kadang menyelinap masuk tanpa bisa dicegah ;)

Heyy.. I might be alone right now but I won't let this make me lonely, yeaahh!!

Yupp.. makanya itu jangan pernah menyerah dalam menemukan your own soul companions, uhuyy.. balik lagi ke sini dhe, ahahaha.. ntah kenapa gua seneng boo ngebahas ini, hihihi.. rupanya udah sejak lama my soul looking for her companion cuman gua-nya aja yang ndablek and ngga ngerti2, ahahahaaha..

Okayy.. let's move on to another topic..

Beberapa waktu lalu gua sempet menanyakan ke diri gua sendiri.

Mana yang lebih penting buat gua?

Orang tau hasil karya gua tapi hanya kalangan terbatas aja yang tau.

Atauu.. karya gua bisa dinikmatin banyak orang tapii mereka kaga ada yang tau bahwa gua yang ada di baliknya?

Huehehehe..

Jangan tanya ke gua emang karya dalam bentuk apaan yang gua maksudkan, ahahaha.. karena I really have no idea :p

Cuman don't know whyy.. this question keeps coming back to me jadi mungkin ini salah satu dari sekian banyak pertanyaan yang harus gua cari tahu jawabannya walau sebenernya pertanyaannya sendiri ngga terlalu jelas juga sih maksudnya, ahahaha..

Tentu saja tentu sajaa.. ada bagian dari diri gua yang keakuan-nya masih gede donkss.. pengennya sih satu paket, huahahaha.. jadi orang dapat menikmati karyanya sekaligus tau itu karya gua, hihihi.. *maruuukk*

Tapii.. kalo hanya bisa either one aja..

Hmm..

I'd choose the second one.

Yupp..

Gua lebih pengen "message" yang gua lepaskan bisa sampai ke yang membutuhkan walaupun mereka ngga tau sosok di balik message itu, ahahaha..

Mungkin karena gua sendiri ngerasa terbantu akan message2 yang gua dapatkan along the way of my life tanpa ngerasa perlu untuk mencari tahu siapa seehh yang menuliskan semua message yang datang di saat yang tepat ini?

Karena terkadang penulisnya sendiri mungkin udah meninggal sekian puluh tahun yang lalu, huaa.. daripada gua mencari tahu terus kepikiran lalu ntar didatangin pas tidur, hiii.. ngeri aahh..

Jadi mari berterima kasih aja dhe ama siapapun yang rela membagikan karyanya untuk sesama.

Karena you'll never know.. your "message" might be helpful to anyone out there.

Walaupun sih sebenernya berhubung postingan2 gua juga isinya kebanyakan soal protes2, ahahaha.. apa ngaruh buat orang lain yaa? :p

But who knows.. siapa tau di luar sana ada yang ngerasa mirips ma gua, sama2 tukang protes, jadi ngerasa "Heyy.. I'm not alone ternyata!", ahahahaha :p

*jadi tukang tanya ini itu merangkap jadi tukang protes kok senang yaa, hihihi :D*

Nah, sekarang sebelon gua kelupaan, mo ngebahas soal es buah dulu nih.

Gilee.. nih es buah soo very yummy and isinya tuh banyaaakk sekalee..

Let's see..

Ada alpukat, mangga, pear, anggur merah, buah naga, stroberi, kelapa, rumput laut, and yang paling asyikk.. harganya donkss.. tebak berapaa? Cuman 6 ribu! Huahahaha.. mantaps bener khan tuh, hihihi..

Ya udah githu aja sih pembahasan soal es buahnya, ahahaha.. lumayan khan di hari mendung or yang panaaass sekalipun, bisa tetap dapat dinikmati, nyam nyaamm..

Note for myself : mulai besok musti kembali bawa kamus ke kantor neehh, karena I've decided to write that one in English aja dhee ;)

Whoo knowss.. bisa "mendunia", huahahaha.. hanya mimpi?

Well.. sometimes great things itu bermula dari mimpi khan? Hihihi..

And jangan membatasi apa yang Tuhan bisa lakukan dalam hidup kita, karena kemampuan manusia memang terbatas, tapi kemampuanNya? Hohoho.. never doubt it, iya ngga? :D

Soo.. kenapa ngga pake Google translation aja seeh? Khan lebih gampang!

Ngga tau yaa.. kadang mungkin emang gua-nya yang ribets, hahaha..

Dikasih yang kelewat gampang kok jadi males.

Mending pake kamus manual dhe, jadi lebih kerasa ada "usaha"-nya :p

Sekedar catatan lainnya : jangan buang tutup gelas kalo minumannya belon kelar!!

*nyari2 tisu buat nutupin es buah yang masih tersisa*

Apalagi yaa? Sambung nanti dhee.. ada kerjaan neehh..

Happy February yaa!!

*ntah kenapa gua kok lebih seneng nulis Febuari yaa tanpa "r" di tengah2, ahahaha ;p*

Topic ended : 1 Feb(r)uari 2010 (12:06 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

I Was Born As Indah..

 

Picture is from own collection

.. and I’m becoming more like her each and everyday of my life..

Topic started : Saturday, October 24, 2009 (5:06 pm)

I’ve decided to write down the timeline again, ahahaha..

It’s good to keep the trackback of my mind..

Well.. sometimes it takes time to finish a post for my mind oftentimes wandering around into another things that makes me lose focus on the current subject, and eheemm.. it happens.. a lot!! Ahahaha :p

Anywayy..

Earlier today Lalaa wrote in her updated status about her soo many blogs..

And she made me remember that me myself had soo many blogs as well, ahahaha.. some of them I couldn’t even remember the username and passwords, hihii.. and some otherss.. well.. I might even forget the address, wakakakak :p

Anywayy..

I stopped by to one of my earliest blog in Blogdrive and the last post in that blog took me back in time and made me remembering things I oftentime forget from time to time.

There’s one part of my post, about Austin Scarlett, one of the contestant of Project Runway (I forget which season, two, I guess).

He said, “I was born as Austin Scarlett and I’m becoming more like him each and everyday of my life.”

His words somehow just.. ehmm.. strucked me..

Even now, 2 years after I wrote that very note, I’m still touched by his words.

I tend to forget from time to time that writing has become my own self-therapy.

I mean I know it somehow.

But sometimes don’t really feel and think about it, ahahaha :p

I write how I feel.

Writing has been a way for me to tell things to myself.. things I know I should’ve heard but somehow there’s no one that seems to know what I need to hear anywayy..

So I tell things to myself.

Things to comfort me.

Things to make me believe in the beauty of life again.

Things to..

Mm..

I don’t know..

Sometimes those words just come out in my mind and my fingers just type down those words.

Sometimes my mind speak much faster than my fingers can type :p

And my mind.. tend to forget things easily as well.

Like this note.

Earlier this morning my mind had been so busy wrapping all the words until the end but since I didn’t have time to type it down, now those words had vanished, huhuhu..

Back to the title of the post.

I was born as Indah.. and I’m becoming more like her each and everyday of my life.

We can’t choose where we were born.

We can’t choose whose our parents would be.

We can’t choose our condition.

We can’t even choose the very simple thing.. our name.

I believe our parents put some kind of hopes in giving names to us.

Sometimes I feel like my name has been a burden to me.

It’s.. mm.. too good to be me anyway, huahahaha :p

I can never live up to the “Indah” they might have once hoped for when they named me.

I might never live up to their expectations.

And I guess that made me somehow kinda reject myself.

But in time I’ve come to realize..

I can never be anyone but me.

So now I guess..

It’s time for me to end this useless fight within me.

It’s time for me just to embrace myself, all the good and the bad.

And just say “amen” to whatever good things my parents were once put their prayers on when they named me as “Indah”.

It’s time to make somekind of peace with myself.

I only have one life (unlike cats who have nine :p).

So the sooner I make peace with myself, the better it will be, right?

We can’t choose some things that had happened, are happening and will happen in our life for sometimes things just.. well.. happen, just as simple as that.

So, Indah..

Let’s now be friends with each other.

For we are one.

And we should be heading to the same direction anyway..

Let’s work together in peace and harmony.

And let us be more like the “Indah” we want to be..

Within each and everyday of our life.

I’ve tried to deny some of my thoughts for somehow they felt kinda wrong.

But I can’t keep them away for long for they keep coming back from time to time.

So maybe this is just me.

With so many thoughts that some people in my life might’ve thought that I’m heading the wrong way.

But somehow I guess, the “right” or “wrong” is just our call to decide, right?

I’m lucky that these last couple of days, I had the chance to talk to some of my friends and found out that somewhat they were like me, too.

It felt real nice to know that I wasn’t alone.

And somewhat that gave me the sense of feeling that maybe I wasn’t wrong.

Maybe I just interpret things a little bit differently from them.

My heart and my mind.. shall we make peace now?

For I’m tired having to go back and forth into opposite direction.

Why don’t we just go together hand in hand to the one destination?

And be more like Indah for each and everyday of our life

Topic ended : Saturday, October 24, 2009 (6:22 pm)

-Indah-

~.*.~

Ayy.. I actually plan to only post new posts here in my new blog but as I was browsing my other blog, I stumbled upon this post and I think this one is kinda a reminder for me..

So I decided to post this again in here..

So, Indaahh.. remember what you were once wrote, otree?!

-Indah-

the soul traveller 

Sunday, January 31, 2010 (9:10 pm)

Mati Kutu

 

Gambar diambil dari :

http://spasmicallyperfect.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/dead-end.jpg

Topic starter : Minggu, 31 Januari 2010 (6:07 pm)

Ahahahaha.. ngga ngerti harus ketawa terbahak2 or meringis yaa ngebacanya? Hihihi..

Mantaps sekalee..

Emang susah menandingi kecerdasaannyaa ;)

Kalo udah diangkat ke permukaan gini yaa biar dikasih tau gimana yaa susah juga *nyengir*

Luaarr biasaa rancangannya ituu.. seakan ngga menyisakan celah untuk disisipi.

Hmm.. tanda dia itu memang hebat *angkat topi*

Tapi sepertinya ini memang benar2 jalan Tuhan untuk menyingkirkan distraksi itu untuk selamanya.

Karena Dia tahu mungkin bila terlibat lagi di sana, maka yang sedang dikerjakan saat ini kemungkinan besar ngga akan menemui kata "the end" yang selama ini begitu diidam2kan, hihihi..

Hanya satu yang masih menjadi ganjalan di hati saya, Tuhan, saya masih ngga relaa kalo orang salah sangka terhadap that one "special" person.

Tapi biarlah.. Engkau yang lebih tahu mana yang terbaik khan, Tuhan? ;)

Mungkin ketika akhirnya menemui "the end" and look back akan apa yang terjadi saat ini baru bisa mengerti betapa Engkau telah menempatkan orang2 yang tepat untuk membelokkan setiap dari kami agar dapat berjalan di jalur Engkau ingin kami lalui.

Aahh.. walau sekarang terasa menjengkelkan.. mungkin nanti nantii.. suatu saat nanti ketika mengenang kembali masa2 ini malah bisa bikin tertawa terbahak2, hihihi :D

Makasih lhoo atas tawa dan geleng2 kepala yang elo hadirkan buat gua malam ini, ahahahaha..

Udah aahh.. capee.. see yaa!!

Topic ended : 31 Januari 2010 (6:25 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

Soo NOT Ready To Have Children.. Yet..

 

Gambar diambil dari :

http://photos.igougo.com/images/p191691-Ocho_Rios-Chidren_playing_on_the_beach.jpg

Topic starter : Minggu, 31 Januari 2010 (2:19 pm)

Huaa.. kejadian siang ini kembali menyadarkan gua akan sesuatu.

Gua belon siap punya anak :D

Ya ya yaa.. ini sebenernya ngga perlu terlalu dikuatirkan karena toh jalan menuju ke arah sana juga belon terlalu terbuka, ahahahaa :p

Tapii.. tetep ajaa..

Ntahlaahh.. saat ini mungkin sisi introvert gua masih dalam kadar tinggi, padahal yang gua hadapi itu adalah keponakan2 yang udah rada gede jadi udah ngga terlalu ribet ngurusnya, in a wayy..

Tapii.. ngeliat mereka dengan energi berlebihan jingkrak2an di kasur gua sambil tertawa2 dengan keras, oohh maann.. I soo want and I soo need my peace, away from those noises!

Baru gua menyadari jadi orangtua itu emang ngga gampang yaa, ahahaha..

Terutama untuk orang idealis seperti gua, ahahaha.. like it or not, disadari apa ngga, kayanya dalam otak gua itu udah tertanam soo many things dalam kondisi yang ideal, ntah siapa yang menanamkan and ntah bagaimana those "images" ada di dalam sana.

But they are theree.. and seringkali those "ideal" pictures just don't seem to match with reality, hikss.. yang bikin gua oftentimes wondering.. which one is wrong?

Apakah ada yang salah dengan realitas yang ada? Ataukah gua yang terlalu banyak "bermimpi" untuk tetap percaya bahwa apa yang ada dalam benak gua masih mungkin terwujud?

It's not easy.. so not easy to have your picture perfect being ruined.

It's like smashing a mirror into the wall and have it broken into millions pieces.

Maybe I'm being unrealistic about certain things, I know.

But I can't help it, I never intendedly form those images in my head for they are just there.

I don't know who put those pictures inside my head.

And I still don't know whether I should collect all those pieces and put them back together again in one piece or should I just replace it with a more realistic one?

Happiness..

What is happiness anyway?

Can you tell me what it is?

Oftentimes I ask myself about that but I don't know how to answer that question.

Have I lied to myself for saying that I don't know?

I might have known but to answer that simple question might be a confirmation of things that I so much want to believe it's not true.

I know.

I should be able to detach myself emotionally with others at some point.

Who am I to say whether they are happy or not?

Who am I to dare say about that?!

We all have our own "definition" about what happiness is.

It'd be much easier if I can just close my eyes and pretend I don't see things.

Yupp.. it would be much easier that way.

But I have eyes to see.

And I can't just pretend I don't see.

God.. why am I so emotional today?

I don't know what has gotten into me these past few days.

I've got this heavy head since Friday afternoon and that heaviness just kept coming and go as it pleased.

Have I left You out in this picture perfect thingy, God?

I know You're the one and only who could mend all the broken pieces perfectly and make it whole again.

I know I can't do this on my own, God..

I can't..

So, help me, God..

I'm still broken because of that ruined image.

When all those "perfect" images I once had in mind just shattered..

Maybe that is why I never be able to answer what is happiness.. cause here in this world, happiness seem so very out of reach.

I know that what happened to them might not be happening to me.

I know that I can have a different kind of life like they have.

Why is it so hard for me to believe that I can have one differently, God, why?

Have I not trust You enough that You sure is can change lots of things?

Have I relied too much of my own powers to survive, God?

What do You want me to do, God?

I'm tired.

Please say something to me, in a language I can understand, God.

Topic ended : January 31, 2010 (3:21 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

Dear My Familyy..

 

Gambar diambil dari :

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzqDWHLzPTGgeKVZK2H3bPtW_TDPTO5p3YW5CazZr74Omt1SRbE0wz7g2SZCH6KOFx1SMGNwnTLQTTHiRZZ1a6YZJPaYwPsLeyt_RD_32Vz8V0yca7dfPu8S2Qx16v1KynU8mnZlnIyZU/s1600/relationships.jpg

Topic starter : Saturday, January 30, 2010 (7:49 pm)

Today has been an emotional day for me that made me wanted to post again something that I wrote few months back then.

Maybe as a reminder.

Or just for hmm.. I don't know.

A way for others to remember me after I'm gone.

I had planned to print this one and give it to each member of my family to let them know how I felt but as always.. my laziness got in a way so I didn't do it.

So I want to send the message to the air again with hope that somehow someway someday.. finally gets to the ones I want them to read.

*yeah yeaahh.. I know.. it's lots easier to just show them the message or give them the link of this post.. but.. that's not the way I am :p*

(tipe yang suka menyusahkan diri sendiri)

Soo.. my familyy..

I hope one dayy.. you might read this one..

Taken from :

http://special4fbnotes.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/dear-my-familyy/

~.*.~

From time to time, a question always popped in my head, the very same question which I still couldn’t answer.

That question is :

“If I lost all my belongings, would I still be the same Indah as before?“

Mm.. some people might think I think too much of the unnecessary, huahahaha :p

But I don’t know.. guess that since this question keep popping in my head once in a while from time to time so I guess this might be an important one for me :)

I wish I could say confidently that I could and I would still be the same Indah as before.

Cause in a way I don’t want to be too attached with things I have now.

Even if I lost all my belongings, that shouldn’t have changed the very core of me for my identity shouldn’t be based on my possessions.

But.. I’m not there yet, I guess, that is why this question just come and go anytime it pleased, ahahaha :p

But lately the “I don’t know” answer has changed a bit into a “might be”, hey heyy.. it’s a progress, isn’t it? :p

What makes it change?

Hmm..

That is because I finally realized something I oftentime forget to remember.

It’s about.. my family :)

All these times I guess I was somewhat detached from my own family.

I kept my distance and didn’t let myself totally involve in any emotional roller-coaster journeys in my life with them.

I only got one heart and I needed to protect it.

Looked like I was “enjoying” my detachements for too much, up to the point where I somewhat felt numb.

And something inside of me demanded a change.

I felt sick of feeling nothing.

I wanted to feel my emotions.

But since I was totally lost and didn’t know any right direction to go that I came to the totally opposite journey of my life.

If I were once so very detached, later on I got too emotionally attached, wakakakakak..

Too attached up to the point where I just absorbed any (negative) emotions of them.

I lost control of myself and there were times when I even felt like I just couldn’t take it anymore for those emotions really brought me down, so very down that it made me so hard to breathe.

There are times when I even regret my decision to open up my heart to feel, wakakakakak.. cause, maaannn.. those negative emotions are soo painful and hurtful (oohh waitt.. those two words have the same meaning, right?! ahahahaa.. that how much it hurts, so double pains then :p) *sigh*

But I guess it’s true..

There’s always always something “good” even in a bad bad situation.

That very low downs had finally opened up my eyes that heyy.. no matter what’s gonna happen in the future, as long as I have them in my life, I know that I’m gonna be just fine.

I can’t say that my family is a picture perfect image of an ideal family should be for even with my own idealism standard, I feel like we’re still far away from it, ahahaha..

But the thing is..

Although we aren’t as unite as I wish us to be, I can say for sure that apparantly we’re not as divide as I thought we were, hehehe :p

And boyy.. how glad I am of that!!

And now, I guess.. for the first time in my life I can finally say that I’m proud to be a part of my familyy..

Ngg..

For the 1st time?

Yeaaahh.. *ashamed mode is on ;p*

Because I never felt this way before, I guess because of so many disappointments and the ruined images of my ideal picture perfect of a family had totallyy gotten in a way for me to see things clearly and to put aside all those bitter emotions and start counting my blessings, hehehe..

You know whatt..

Guess that all of us having troubles in expressing our emotions.

We support each other.. silentlyy..

I mean, we never say directly to each other how much we love one another and how much we care.

We always say it to another person in the family, ahahaha :p

But that feeling of knowing that someone actually care for you.. is a very good feeling that might get you through some hardships in your life :)

I’ve realized it since long that I wasn’t a verbal person, huehehehe..

I meann.. I talked much through my writings (read me and you’ll get to know me better than you meet me :p) but when it comes to the mouthh.. ugghh.. I’m having such a hard time to talk about my feelings, ahahahaha..

When I pushed myself to say it anywayy.. usually those words would blurt out in random order even I myself who said it, wouldn’t totally understand what I was talking about, wakakakakak :p

And I don’t know whyy..

Maybe because my mouth is pretty much controlled by my brain (nngg.. shouldn’t it control all parts of the body?! Ahahaha :p) but I guess since I still can’t make a balance between my heart and my mind, oftentimes when I’m ready to say something I don’t really feel.. my mouth just can’t spill out those words, ahahaha :p

And when I finally burst out those words.. well.. since I had this overloaded heart, so much things came out at the same time, ahahahaha..

And usuallyy.. I don’t even remember what I’m talking about, ahahahaha.. maybe because during those emotional moments, my brain somewhat soo busy in telling my heart to stop bursting out that my ears forget to do their job to listen to my own voices, hihihi..

Mamii and Papii.. I just want to say that I’m proud to be your daughter.

Danny, Priscilla & Dave (not their real names though, ahahaha, I’m used not using real names when it comes to my family, don’t know why, ahahaha :p).. I’m proud to be your sister.

Of all these years we’ve been going through together in this life..

I finally came to realize that God never had any mistakes.

(Well.. I know it all the way but never really reallyy realized the meaning of what I know)

He put us together as family and He sure has His own reasons, reasons that sometimes I just don’t understand no matter how much I try to understand them.

But one thing I know for sure now..

He has placed me to be in this family to help me grow.

All those tears, all those pains.. all those laughters, all those happy moments.. aren’t for nothing.

Little by little they happened to shape me into a better person bit by bit with every second of my passing life.

God.. I don’t know how much longer my time with them but I can only hope that the remaining time I’ll have with them would be something that’s worthwhile, long after I’m gone.

Please help me, God, help me be the kind of daugther and sister they can be proud of :)

I thank you, God, for the family You have given me.

This is probably the first time I ever say it that comes from the heart, hehehe..

I used to say it to make my heart believe it (but oftentimes failed anywayy, ahahaha :p).

Mamii.. Papii.. my brothers and sister.. let’s bring this family into the right directions of overall happiness!!

God bless you all..

Happyy early Wednesdayy!! ^o^

-Indah-

~.*.~

Tuhan.. I thank You again for giving me my family although we're still having such bumpy roads sometimes.. but somehow I know.. it's for the best..

Always keep them in Your loving arms, Tuhan..

And help them understand that I love each and everyone of them although I might not say that out loud too often as I should be.

Thank You for hearing my prayers.

I understand now that there might be time that You would just stay in silent.

But I finally realize that You always listen ;)

Topic ended : Saturday, January 30, 2010 (8:04 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

What's Wrong With Me?

 

 Gambar diambil dari :

http://gaylemckay.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/uncertainty-full.jpg

Topic starter : Sabtu, 30 Januari 2010 (7:04 pm)

Hmm.. aneh, ada apa dengan diri gua?

Tadi sesaat abis ngepost yang terakhir, gua turun ke bawah ke kamar nyokap buat nyetelin film seri Korea yang tadi dibeli. Sambil nemenin nyokap nonton, gua lanjut baca buku yang tadi gua beli.

Baru baca beberapa lembar, tiba2 gua ngerasa kelelahan luar biasa sehingga gua memutuskan buat tidur sambil pegangan tangan ma nyokap sambil mesen, "Mii.. kalo cape, ntar pegangannya dilepas aja," terus gua tertidur.

Sempat terlelap beberapa saat sebelon pikiran gua kembali terjaga sementara tubuh gua terus beristirahat.

Gua dapat mendengar diri gua beberapa kali bilang, "Indahh.. coba bangun, buka mataa.." tapi tubuh gua ngga mo ngerespon.

Gua lalu kembali mendengar diri gua bilang, "Indaahh.. coba gerakkan jari jemarii..", gua berusaha menggerakkan tapi again.. tubuh gua ngga mo ngerespon.

And gua bisa mendengar suara itu berulang kali dalam kepala gua but tubuh gua tetap menolak untuk membuka mata ataupun menggerakkan jari jemari gua.

Terus nyokap gua ngebangunin gua suruh pindah posisi karena tadi gua tidur dengan posisi kepala yang deket ma kaki bokap yang baru berbaring, jadi daripada nanti ketendang makanya nyokap nyuruh gua pindah.

Herannyaa.. kali ini tubuh gua langsung merespon, gua bisa membuka mata and menggerakkan tubuh gua pindah ke posisi jadi ke sebelah bokap gua untuk kemudian kembali tertidur dengan pikiran yang masih terjaga.

And adegan diri gua yang kembali memanggil2 supaya membuka mata and menggerakkan jemari pun kembali terulang and lagi2 tubuh gua ngga mo bereaksi, huaa..

Gua bisa mendengar percakapan antara nyokap and bokap gua tapi ketika gua coba membuka mulut, ngga ada suara yang keluar sementara otak gua sibuk berteriak2.. pleasee.. jangan ributt.. help mee.. tapi yaa karena jeritan itu cuman ada di kepala gua jadinya baik bokap maupun nyokap gua ngga bisa denger.

Indaahh.. Indaahh.. buka mataa..

Indaaahh.. Indaahh.. gerakan jarii..

Indaahh.. Indaahhh.. buka mulut..

Nah, soal buka mulut ini yang lebih ada reaksi dikit karena gua ngerasa mulut gua bisa ngebuka tapi ketika gua mencoba bersuara yang keluar hanya hmm.. gimana ngejelasinnya yaa? Kaya gelembung permen karet tapi ini dari ludah.

Yupp.. tetep ngga ada suara yang keluar :'(

Untungnyaa.. keadaan ini ngga berlangsung lama or selamanyaa (ya iyalah, kalo selamanya gua mana bisa ngetik sekarang ini!), ngga tau apa pemicunya akhirnya gua bisa bangun juga and makan, huehehe.. nah itu dia pemicunya.. laper! :p

Tapi sambil makan, gua ngga bisa mengenyahkan apa yang tadi gua alami.

Terus pas nyokap ikut ngambil makanan, gua cerita apa yang tadi gua alami pas tidur di kamarnya, and gua nanya, "Kenapa ya, Mi?"

"Ngga tau dhe.. Mami ngga pernah ngalamin sih, kecuali sekali."

*mikir mode.. katanya ngga pernah ngalamin tapi kok ada sekalii.. biar cuman sekali khan berarti pernah ngalamin donks aww, Mii!!*

"Mami pernah kaya githu.. pas lagi susah hati!"

And gua pun tersentak..

Samar2 gua inget pernah ngalamin yang kaya gini jugaa..

(lagi berusaha nyari dokumentasi postingan di blog, huahahaha.. masih terkagum2 ama orang2 yang selalu menyimpan file blog dengan rapi sehingga pas mo naut postingan kok gampang bener yaa!)

Ahh.. akhirnya ketemu jugaa!! Untung gua inget pernah mosting ulang postingan Multiply itu di Wordpress :p

Ini dia yang gua maksud :

http://special4fbnotes.wordpress.com/2009/07/16/ternyataa/

Ahh.. sekarang gua jadi bertanya2.. suara apa yaa yang tadi gua dengar nyuruh gua untuk membuka mata? Suara siapa yang nyuruh gua menggerakkan jemari?

Hmm..

Walau emang bener sih tadi lagi berasa sediihh.. bangetss.. gara2 kesalahan yang gua buat yang membuat seseorang kembali menghilang *hiks*

Tapii..

Tuhan itu emang baik.

Pas gua naik ke atas buka kompie untuk mengetikkan postingan ini.. gua kembali menemukan jejaknyaa, huaaa..

Makasih, Tuhan!

Kapoookk.. kali ini beneran kapok!

Besok2 kalo lagi impulsif ngga bakalan lagi dhe langsung tancap blass melakukan sesuatu tanpa dipikirkan terlebih dahulu efek sampingannya and apa gua siap menerima konsekuensinya.

Karena kalo hanya menyangkut tentang diri gua sendiri ajaa.. gua masih bisa nerima and deal with it dhe somehow.

Tapii kalo udah menyangkut orang lain, hikkss..

Ternyataa.. bagian dari diri gua yang sulit melepaskan orang berlalu dalam hidup gua tuh masih melekat kuat..

Aahh.. leganya, leganyaa..

Tapi mang emang lumayan berasa untuk ngurangin waktu online juga sih, musti mulai kembali membacaa.. karena siapa tau ada banyak pesan dan petunjuk yang harusnya udah bisa gua temukan tapii kelewat karena gua keasyikan nongkrong di depan kompie.

Walau tentu aja, as a defense.. bisa aja donkss.. gua bilang kalo emang belon saatnya gua dapat tuh message yaa biar baca buku seberapa banyak pun ya tetap aja ngga dapat message-nya, huehehehe..

Tukang ngeyel emang susaaahh!! :p

Tapi beneran lho, Tuhan.. makasih bangets yaa ;)

I love youu!!

*baru inget masih punya hutang postingan "Silk-In", yaikss..*

Topic ended : 30 Januari 2010 (7:42 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

Stupid Mistakes

 

Gambar diambil dari :

http://mikegothard.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/fear_and_regret_by_deathtopanic.jpg

I've done it again.. Ketika ngga bisa membedakan antara "silence is golden" ama "speak up for the better"!

Stupid mistakes.

When will you ever learn, Indah?!

...

(I think I really need to get back to read books again.. rasanya hidup jauh lebih simpel ketika belum mengenal internet..)

-bukan, Indaahh.. bukan salah internet-nyaa.. elo-nya aja yang sering kebablasan dalam menerapkan batas2 yang jelas sehingga ngga kebablasan!-

(bener juga sih.. tapii.. tetep aja, felt really stupid.. padahal sebelonnya udah berasa.. what was once felt right might not always be the right thing to do.. but I just pushed that feelings away.. STUPIDO! STUPIDOO!! *sigh*)

-maybe it's time to part.. when it's time.. it's time.. you can't shorten it and you can't stretch it any longer.. and it's never final goodbye just as long as we're still breathing, right?-

(I know.. but tetep aja rasanya.. ada something's missing.. and to realize that I might have taken part in it.. bikin jadi ngerasa double stupid..)

-makanya besok2 mikiiiiiiiiirrr sebelon melakukan sesuatuuu.. kadang impulsif-nya elo emang nolong buat melakukan hal2 yang ngga biasa elo lakukan.. tapi kalo impulsif dalam hal ginian, yang rugi siapa?!-

(udah tauuu.. makanya itu gua sedih.. and sebel ama diri gua sendiri! Grrr.. Indaaahh.. dirimu menyebalkan sekalee!!)

*udah aahh.. jadi pengen tidur aja dhee.. moga2 ini hanya mimpii..*

(walau rasanya begitu nyata)

QoD : The Box

 

Gambar diambil dari :

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2009/04/07/the-box-poster-diaz.jpg

Topic starter : Sabtu, 30 Januari 2010 (5:10 pm)

Baru balik dari nonton "The Box" ama my cousin.

Satu pertanyaan yang mengganjal..

Kenapa yaa semua yang nekan tuh tombol dikisahkan adalah sang istri?

Apa wanita segitu mudahnya terjatuh akan "kuasa" bernama uang?

*hmm*

Topic ended : 30 Januari 2010 (5:11 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

Laughing.Com

 

Picture is taken from :

http://19.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvivrmrCtX1qzdr4go1_500.jpg

Topic starter : Friday, January 29, 2010 (10:50 pm)

Ahahaha.. I want to laugh out loud right now, ahahaaha..

La la laa..

Isn't it funny how one can turn things upside down?

The offender plays a role as a victim? Hihihi..

Life is like a drama, I know.

But I prefer to let it happen naturally and not fall into traps by someone who sets things up :p

Aahh.. this took me back to sometime ago when I also got involved in some kind of "drama" on the same network.

Maann.. I guess it's official.. I'm non drama type, huehehehe :D

*I'd prefer drama only in movies, hihihi :p*

But somehow I always believe that the truth will come out eventually ;)

Make up all the stories anyway you like, girl.

I only want to say one thing to you : don't get too involved with the characters you make, otherwise you might find a difficulty in separating the reality and your fantasy world, ahahahaa :D

But anyway.. smart move! That proves that you've got brains, too bad you don't use it for goodness in the world, you know, to make peace and certainly NOT disintegration :p

Oohh myy.. what a laugh before going to bed ^o^

As for the others who might still be wondering..

Take time to think.. you've known "her" for some time, right?

More or less you surely have some ideas in your mind how she is in person.. do you think she's the type of person who would just leave without any strong reasons? ;)

You surely remember how she cares about each and everyone of us, right, for she's the one who always gives her encouragements whenever we feel like we cannot do things.

Believe.. just believe in what your heart tells you to.

One doesn't change in a dayy.. or is there anyone who suddenly change into "someone" else after all these things that happen? Ahahahaa :p

Take time to check all the messages in our inbox and seek for some clues.

Find some "red thread" to make connections with things that happened in the last few days, ask for some "signs".. it isn't that far.

Hohoho.. isn't this like playing games? :p

This is how the journey of our writing supposed to be.. FUN!

Ahahaha..

Ooh myy.. what a laugh..

Pssttt.. girlss.. I do hope anyone of you would read this and start wondering, hihihi :D

I'm gonna release the message free and let it find the soul who searches for it.

Ohohoho.. this is FUN..

Come on, my messagee.. I want to know how long does it take for you to reach any of them? Hihihi ;)

Happy weekend for you all.

It's a blessing to know you and I hope one day our paths will cross again ^o^

Meanwhilee.. look for some clues, girls!! :D

Topic ended : January 29, 2010 (11:41 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller

Guilty

 

Gambar diambil dari :

http://mosaicartsource.files.wordpress.com/2006/10/queen-esther-holding-evidence-of-hamans-guilt-mosaic-portrait-lilian-broca.jpg

Topic starter : Jumat, 29 Januari 2010 (6:48 pm)

Duhh.. ntah kenapa tadi dalam perjalanan pulang, gua ngerasa kepala gua beraaaattt bangetss.. Padahal sebelonnya ngga apa2 lhoo walau menjelang sore tadi gua ngerasa kepala gua penuh, sayangnyaa.. gua ngga tau apa yang lagi gua pikirkan, hikss..

Malam ini gua pengen mengangkat suatu topik yang telah beberapa lama itu bermain2 dalam benak gua and gua selalu penasaraaann tapi seperti biasa selalu malas mencari tau padahal katanyaa.. apa sih yang ngga bisa didapatkan via internet sekarang ini?

Tinggal klik (Aunty) Google terus masukin kata kunci-nya and elo akan mendapatkan hasil yang diinginkan, again.. katanyaa :p

Tapi semakin lama gua semakin menyadari kalo the way I learn things ain't that wayy, ahahaha..

Karena informasi di internet sekarang ini juga susah dipercaya sih kebenarannyaa..

Anywayy.. back to guilty.

Guilty itu adalah perasaan bersalah.

Dipikir2 gua itu tipe yang gampang bangets ngerasa bersalah, hiks hiks huaa..

Lagi mencoba mencari tahu KENAPA?!

Tapi sampai sekarang masih belon mendapatkan alasannyaa..

Kalo misalnya nyokap gua sedih, gua suka ngerasa bersalah, belon tentu karena gua yang menyebabkannya bersedih, tapi bisa juga karena gua ngerasa bersalah ngga bisa mencegah terjadinya hal yang bikin nyokap gua bersedih :'(

Kenapa? Gua suka bertanya2.

Gua juga sering ngerasa bersalah karena ngga bisa menjadi seperti harapan orang lain.

Walaupun gua tau menjadi seperti apa yang mereka inginkan itu bukanlah jalan menuju kebahagiaan gua, tapi tetap ajaa.. susah untuk mengenyahkan rasa itu.

Kenapaa ya?

Gua masih bertanya2.

Somehow gua ngerasa ada bagusnya masih bisa ngerasa bersalah.

Why?

Karena itu artinya hati nurani masih jalan.

Bayangkan kalo udah tau melakukan perbuatan yang dilarang agama eehh ngga sedikitpun merasa bersalah, well.. itu tanda ada yang salah.

Btw.. busyeett daahh.. hari ini melongok e-mail lama gua di Yahoo, udah lamaa bangets kaga ditengok eehh ada hampir 2000 message yang belon dibaca, huaaa.. saatnya pembersihan!

Aahh.. e-mail lama ini membawa banyak kenangan, gua bikin e-mail ini sekitar 8 or 9 tahun yang lalu, gimana gua bisa inget? Huehehe.. tentu saja bukan karena I have sharp memoryy.. tapi karena gua inget bangets id ini memiliki angka yang mengacu ke umur gua pada saat bikin, hihihi..

I'm ooooollllddd :p

Masa2 awal bikin id ini tuh pas masih tergila2nya ma yang namanya chatting terus main2 di forum2, Kafegaul sih lebih tepatnya, di Warung Bola, maklum.. jaman itu tuh lagi demen2nya ama yang namanya Totti ;)

Apa2 Totti sampai2 aktif juga di berbagai milis Totti terus ngobrol2 ama anggota milis yang kebanyakan berasal dari belahan bumi Eropa, sempet surat2an juga ada 2 di antara mereka.

Berinteraksi dengan banyak orang githu tuh kadang emang membuka banyak peluang untuk terjadinya gesekan ya.

Sampai sekarang gua masih ngga ngerti kenapa salah satu temen gua asal England, Jane, dimusuhin ama temen gua lainnya asal Belanda, Molly, yang sama2 anggota milis juga.

Lucunyaa.. sebelon akhirnya berantem2an githuu.. mereka itu udah saling mengunjungi rumah masing2 lhoo.. gantian bertandang antara England and The Netherland untuk nonton pertandingan Totti barengan!

Sejak dulu.. gua selalu menyayangkan yang namanya perpisahan, walau ngga menyangkut gua, tetap aja gua ngerasa sayang ngeliat persahabatan yang dulu terjalin dengan demikian akrabnya kini harus tercerai berai.

Mungkin karena friendship itu sendiri adalah hal yang penting buat gua?

Hmm.. mungkin yaa..

Karena gua pernah mengalami ditinggalkan temen gua semasa SD dulu gara2 dia pindah rumah, huhuhu..

Apa gara2 itu yaa gua jadi menyayangkan adanya perpisahan?

Hubungan.

Yang namanya hubungan antar dua manusia itu melibatkan dua hati, kalo sampe tiga itu namanya repot, huahahaha.. wong yang berhubungan cuman 2 :p

Duhh.. sekarang jidat gua pake acara dingin pulaa..

Apa karena berita yang tadi gua terima yaa?

Hmm.. bentar.. gua pikir2 duluu..

Duluan mana antara gua ngedenger berita itu sama gua ngerasa kepala gua berat?

Aaarrgghh.. ngga berhasil mengingatnya.

Tapi in a way mungkin emang gua ngerasa terpukul mendengar apa yang gua dengar itu.

Betapa seseorang yang begitu tegar and begitu baiknya kok bisa2nya diperlakukan dengan sekejam itu yang membuat dirinya sampai mengucapkan, "Saya bener2 terluka atas perbuatannya."

Karena apa?

Karena gua tau ngga mudah baginya untuk mengucapkan kata2 itu.

This has been going on for YEARS, yaahh.. ini peristiwa yang udah menahun tapi selama ini dia selalu memendamnya seorang diri, menampilkan wajah "aku baik2 saja" di hadapan kita2 yang pada ngga peka dan menelan bulat2 topeng sandiwara yang dikenakannya.

Mungkin dia udah lama merasakan terluka-nya tapi to finally say those words.. it takes courage karena terkadang ucapan itu membuat segala sesuatunya terasa lebih "nyata".

Kalo baru dirasakan dalam hati, sometimes we're a great pretender, kita bisa berusaha meyakinkan diri kita bahwa everything's fine, nothing's wrong, and I'm not hurt on whatever things they say.

How do I know? Cause I'm one of them, the great pretender yang tau bahwa hatinya gampang terluka maka mentamenginya sedemikian rupa supaya tiap anak panah yang diarahkan padanya ngga akan sampai melukai hatinya.

So I should've known and recognize a soul like my own!

Iyaaa.. seharusnya gua bisa menyadarinya tapi lagi2 gua gagal.

Gua selalu ngeliat dia sebagai sosok yang terlalu rational yang seringkali membuat gua lupa bahwa dia tetap punya hati, hati yang juga bisa merasakan sakit, sama seperti hati gua. Hati yang juga bisa merasakan kesedihan, sama seperti hati gua.

Iya, dengan bodohnya gua menganggap dirinya sebagai orang yang punya perasaan, ooh oohh.. betapa bodohnya gua!

Especially to know that di antara yang lainnya, bisa dibilang gua itu yang paling sering diajaknya ngobrol, tapi ntahlah.

Gua ngerasa somehow gua ngerasa takut menghadapi kesedihannya.

Bodoh bukan, this isn't about me tapi yang selalu gua pikirkan adalah tentang gua.

Mungkin ini sebabnya gua selalu ngerasa bersalah.

Karena somehow gua ngerasa mungkin peran gua di sini adalah sebagai penghubung untuk satu sama lain saling berkomunikasi.

Tapi gua selalu menolak karena gua ngga pernah bisa netral benar2 jadi penghubung tanpa melibatkan emosi.

Somehow gua bisa mengerti apa yang dimaksudkan oleh kedua belah pihak tapii.. gua cape selalu menjadi penghubung, kenapa sih kalian ngga belajar memperbaiki komunikasi kalian sendiri and interaksi satu sama lain tanpa harus melalui gua?!

Tapi kadang.. kalo diam aja gua ngerasa kasian juga.

I'm used in reading between the lines cause I've been shaped that way.

Karenanya terkadang gua bisa menangkap hal2 yang ngga dikatakan dibanding apa yang diucapkan or dituliskan seseorang.

Somehow I can "feel" the emotion.

Harusnya gua bisa berperan sebagai pendengar yang baik, yang hanya manggut2 seperti patung Dakochan yang dipasangin per and mengangguk2an kepalanya sepanjang mobil itu berjalan.

Tapii.. I'm a natural balancer, ini yang kadang ngga bisa membuat gua diam mendengarkan tanpa komentar, karena gua paling ngga tahan mendengarkan seseorang disudutkan sedemikian rupa and hanya dicari2 kesalahannya muluu..

Halloo.. masa iya sih tuh orang kaga ada baik2nya sedikitpun?!

Tapi kalo gua ngomong githu, dia-nya marah.

Sementara kalo gua-nya diam aja, gua yang tersiksa.

Jadi akhirnya gua memilih untuk menghindar.

Walau kadang gua ngerasa kasian juga sih karena somehow gua ngerasa kalo dia itu kesepian and hanya gua yang bisa diajak ngomong tapi kadang kalo mood gua lagi amburadul, boro2 musti mikirin orang lain karena gua juga harus berusaha menahan diri gua supaya ngga crashed down.

Mungkin itu sebabnya gua ngga bisa terlalu connect ama orang yang sakit physically karena gua jarang sakit fisik selain sakit gigi, perut, pusing ama flu batuk githu.

I can't understand their pains no matter how much I tried.

But somehow I can connect with emotional pains.

Cause I've been hurt for so many times although I'm not bleeding.

Aahh.. andai ada buku manual yang bisa berlaku untuk semua orang, asyik juga kali yaa walaupun tentu dunia akan kehilangan sedikit kemisteriusannya tapii setidaknya at many times elo ngga akan ngerasa terjebak don't know what to do ketika berhadapan dengan situasi tertentu.

One thing I've also realized adalah..

How we treat others itu emang bener2 cerminan who we are inside yaa.. walau kadang mungkin secara ngga nyadar.

Kemaren ini gua pernah ngobrol2 ama temen gua terus gua bilang ke dia..

When you are in darkness (not literally, please dhe aahh ;p), gua bisa sih berperan sebagai teman yang mendampingi elo dalam kegelapan.. tapii.. karena kalo gua sendiri memposisikan diri sebagai orang yang ada dalam kegelapan, maka gua lebih senang untuk jadi tangan yang menarik elo keluar dari kegelapan untuk kembali menikmati cerahnya sinar mentari lagi.

That is whyy.. seringkali temen gua itu sebel kalo curhat ke gua, huahahaha.. gua khan suka ngga tahan untuk ngga komen (even when I know I should've just listened :p).. sekarang baru bisa ngeliat kalo gua ada dalam posisi dia and punya temen seperti gua.. emang bener.. kadang gua itu rese!! Wakakakakak :p

Kurang lebih sebulan yang lalu gua pernah bilang ma seseorang, "Udaahh.. kalo dia ngomong didengerin aja, ngga usah ikut2an ngejelek2in pihak yang satunya, karena dia itu lagi sedih, dia ngga butuh untuk mendengar masukan jelek mengenai pihak sana."

Iya yaa.. kembali gua disadarkan bahwa seringkali ketika berhubungan dengan orang lain itu kita lebih mementingkan ego and perasaan kita dibanding mempertimbangkan perasaan sang lawan bicara.

Gua yakin orang itu juga tau tentang keburukan pihak yang satunya itu.

Seringkali gua ngerasa nasehat kita ke orang lain itu sebenernya merupakan nasehat kita kepada diri kita sendiri, ahahaha.. atau setidaknyaa.. nasehat yang ingin kita dengar andai kita ada dalam situasi yang sama.

Karena we are who we are and we can never be anyone else.

Betapapun kita coba memposisikan diri dalam situasi yang sedang dihadapi dirinya, pikiran dan perasaan kita itu tetap milik kita and kita ngga bisa menyelami perasaan dirinya.

Mungkin itu sebabnya gua sering menasehati diri gua kaya gini neeh, huehehehe.. karena I know what I should and need to listen but in time ketika gua "terjebak" dalam situasi itu.. gua ngga punya orang lain yang bisa memberikan gua nasehat yang butuh untuk gua dengarkan.

Aahh.. menyenangkan sekali rasanya bisa ngomongin hal2 yang campur aduk gini, huahahahahaa..

*tipe orang yang ngga nyadar diri kalo tulisannya amat sangat jaraaaaaaang sekali bis fokus ngomongin satu topik aja :p*

Udah aahh.. lumayan pusing gua udah rada ilangan dikitttsss..

Semoga ntar malam bisa tidur nyenyak dhe jadi besok bangun dengan perasaan segar karena udah Sabtuu githu lhoo, harus dinikmati dengan sebaik2nyaa ;)

La la laa.. hidup ini indah sebenernya, tergantung ke arah mana kita memandang, hihihi..

Sama seperti pelangi yang selalu hadir sehabis hujan, terkadang kita itu memandang ke arah yang salah sehingga ngga bisa menikmati keindahannya.

Jadii.. hujaaaaann.. datanglaaahh!!

*ini sih emang ngarep, ahahahaha :D*

Topic ended : 29 Januari 2010 (8:31 pm)

-Indah-
the soul traveller